I Bought You That Ring ’Cause I Never Was Cool

Connecting with others is a miracle, isn't it? It certainly feels like it when you finally meet a person who seems to just get you. Your body exhales in their presence, laughter comes easily, you find yourself softening to them. You allow thoughts of them to join you on your morning walk, to punctuate your boring business meeting, to even sit at the table with you at dinner.

And then that soft whisper of excitement mixed with fear takes over and suddenly you’re in some store buying this person you’ve only just met an expensive ring—Indigo Girls style (hence the song lyric title). If you’re not familiar with it, the song captures this exact moment: when we confuse giving thoughtful gifts with building real and lasting connection.

The truth is, connection isn’t something we can perform our way into. And yet, for those of us who are natural givers, it’s so normal to want to shower people we’re excited about with all the things. A favorite book. A thoughtful gesture. The just-right gift. It feels like love, because in many ways, it is.

But the risk comes when giving becomes the mask we wear, instead of letting ourselves be seen. The moment the gifts say, "Look, I’m enough. Please keep me,’"generosity stops being love and starts becoming fear.

Real belonging doesn’t come from proving our worth. It grows out of the courage to be known—in the quiet ease of someone who doesn’t need us to perform, but is just glad we’re there.

This is all absolutely terrifying, of course. Because to be seen 👀 like that is to risk rejection. But it’s also the only thing that builds a connection strong enough to last. So maybe the invitation is this: notice when your giving comes from excitement and joy (beautiful!) versus when it comes from anxiety and proving (ouch). Pause. Breathe. And see if you can bring your real self instead.Because as the Indigo Girls remind us, chasing “cool” will never bring us home. And maybe that’s because, as they also remind us, “the hardest to learn was the least complicated.”

Showing up as we are, without the performance, without the ring, takes so much courage. But it’s also where the real connection lives. And that kind of love? Priceless. ✨